Here are Week 2 @Twitstery tweets of the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!
Two, Granger wasn’t dead. This WAS him. How could that be? I had found his severed body and had shared freezer time with his better halves.
If it wasn’t him, who or what was it? Could the lab rats at “Body Parts R Us” have assembled a clone Willum Granger out of spare body parts?
If it was him, how had he cheated death? Was he just not-dead or actually un-dead? Was his appearance here precursor to a zombie apocalypse?
Or did my senses deceive me? A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. Could he be an undigested bit of beef, a crumb of cheese?
Was there more of gravy than of grave about him? The dickens if I knew. All I knew for sure was he didn’t go away when I rubbed my eyes.
My stomach rumbles. Extended deliberation always makes me hungry. I realize the way to resolve this puzzle is a savage two-fisted rejoinder.
“Who’s there?” I reply. By seeming to play along I’ll get him to reveal his true identity. That’s how I keep my cards close to my chest.
“Not who you think I am” he says. I wasn’t expecting that. He’s obviously well versed in ‘knock knock’ strategy. I’m forced to get serious.
“Not who you think I am, who?” I counter. “Hunh?” He seems confused. So am I. I was expecting a punchline. “Ask me who I was” he replies.
“Who you was, were – when?” “What?” “When were you who you were?” “What do you mean?” “To ask who you were, I need to know when you were.”
“Why do you need to know when?” “You are different people at different times. Willum Granger (2009) is clearly not Willum Granger (2013).”
“One tiny difference: Granger ’09 was alive. Granger ’13 has been four years dead. To understand who you were I need to know when you were.”
“And where. Granger wholly in the afterlife clearly is not Granger partially here on earth.” The doppelganger clutches his head and moans.
“Look, there’s an essential question you haven’t asked.” “Yes. Do zombies get splitting headaches? That would be ironic.” He moans again.
“Wrong question. The cause and the cure for a zombie headache are the same. Use your brain. You’ve missed signs of a different apocalypse.”
“A better question is Why did Body Parts R Us perform all of Granger’s augmented clone surgery? Why were they trying to create a superman?”
“Didn’t those cloned augmentations go awry? I was told that during a brain transplant they switched Granger’s right and left hemispheres.”
“It’s a mistake anyone could make.” I look at him doubtfully. “How could A make Granger a superman if he wasn’t in his right right mind?”
“It’s not how it’s why.” “OK. Why?” “Instead of outering human abilities as our tools, superheroes internalize our tools as super powers.”
“Granger wanted super powers to prepare for when there might be no tools. Too bad A stopped him.” “What in the world are you talking about?”
“Ask yourself, why would anyone want the ability to leap a tall building, outpower a locomotive or run faster than a speeding bullet, etc.?”
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)