It Was the Worst of Tweets, It Was the Best of Tweets – The Golden Parachute Continues!


Here are Week 14 @Twitstery tweets of “The Golden Parachute” the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance

The rag she wipes the bar with reeks of sour milk. Not a place for the squeamish or the lactose intolerant. Why does Mary want to meet here?

Time for a different angle. “Sweet gig you got here. Get much traffic?” “Mostly insomniacs and ulcer sufferers. Some non-lactating mothers.”

At this moment Mary enters with a George Raft lookalike. “Set up two raw Charly” he says “with turbinado chasers.” “Right away Chancellor.”

“Who’s the stiff?” I ask. “She’s the Dean of Admissions” the Chancellor says. I say “How about she starts making some admissions right now?”

“Why do you think she spoke to you in the first place?” “She barely spoke to me at all!” He takes the seat next to me as the milk arrives.

Pouring sugar into his milk, he drinks it down. “Ah!” he exclaims “Milk, raw the way God intended it!” I ask the barkeep “What type is he?”

The Chancellor answers my question. “Charly, pump me another. I’ve been up for days, my stomach is killing me and my breasts are sore!”

That narrows it down. Mary hasn’t touched her own drink. I guess she’s none of the above. “So you’re the guy looking for what’s-her-name.”

“What’s her name is Regi. The way you suck milk, you’re obviously used to being kowtowed to. Are you really Chancellor or what’s your name?”

“That’s utter bulls%$t!” he replies. “OK Udder. You may be the boss, but I kowtow to no man. Why was Mary quite contrary about Regi’s name?”

He glares at Mary who turns abruptly and knocks over her glass. Raw milk spreads across the bar. Tears run down the Chancellor’s cheeks.

“There’s no use crying.” I turn to Mary “What’s with this character?” “It’s not the spilt milk.” she says “He’s used to getting his whey.”

“Here you go Chancellor.” says the barkeep handing him a glass of milk. “Sorry about the delay.” He raises the glass and drinks it down.

“Ah!” he exclaims “Milk, raw the way God intended it!” Huh? Déjà moo? Or have I just experienced a time shift as per Granger’s doppelgänger?

I check my tweets.  Silent movies. American signing. Sweet Milk. Everything’s here. So how do I explain the Chancellor’s redundant behavior?

He turns to me. “Sorry. It’s my ADHD. My mind leaps from place to place.” “Too bad. Do you know how you contracted it?” “Contracted what?”

“AIDS. Was it a tainted blood transfusion or did you get it from your partner?” “I have Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder not AIDS.”

“ADHD?” “Yes. That’s why I we didn’t meet at the office. I don’t have patience to finish a sign conversation.” “Or anything else” says Mary.

“No patience? How did you end up head of a Med School?” “A funny story. Thirty years ago I had a great idea while piloting my water taxi.”

“You own the water taxi company I saw on the first floor of your building?” “I sold it to launch the school. My father owns the building.”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

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