“What is your problem Arkaby? Except for the hurricanes and an occasional military coup there’s nothing irregular going on at my school.”
Mary leans in. “He’s telling the truth. We’re no different than any other for-profit educational institution, if you leave out the profit.”
“There aren’t many medical schools in the Bermuda Triangle.” “Our school isn’t technically in the Triangle. Let’s just say we’re nearby.”
“Have you seen anyone Grangeresque or not?” The Chancellor puts his head back down on the counter. “Didn’t see him.” He begins to snore.
Mary asks “Where did you see this dead Granger person?” “He or his doppelGränger came to my office and offered me $50,000 to find Regi.”
“DoppelGränger? You doppel-deal and then have the pair to criticize us?” “There’s no duplicity on my parts. I will find Regi as I promised.”
“And then I’ll save the world, with or without your help.” “Without, I think.” I look at the sleeping Chancellor. “May not be a big loss.”
“How does he manage to run a medical school?” “Mostly by laissez-faire. We deans do whatever we want and only go to him to settle conflcts.”
Two burly characters enter the room and come over to the bar. “Is this the guy?” one of them asks Mary. “Yes. He’s looking for trouble.”
“No, I’m looking for a girl. Who are you?” “Accountants, here to clean up the books.” “Uh huh. You look like a pair of number crunchers.”
“Do you guys have names or just tax ID numbers?” “They don’t matter. Your name is mud.” “I do work dirt cheap. I have one question for you.”
“What is the person graduating last in an accounting class called?” “What?” “A no-account.” Midsnore the Chancellor says “I don’t get it.”
The first accountant turns to his partner. “Hey Lenny, this guy’s funny.” “I don’t get it either” “No, really. He’s got a sense of humor.”
“Let’s take him outside and teach him how to deliver a punch line.” “You two wouldn’t know a good punch line if it hit you in the face.”
He comes up to my face. “I wouldn’t bet my LIFO on it.” I smile. “Tell me. Is ‘humorous accountant’ an oxymoron or are you a regular kind?”
Lenny says “Jon, I don’t get that one either.” Jon must be the other accountant. He says “Doesn’t matter. It wasn’t that funny this time.”
What’s wrong with these people? First the Dean of Admissions gives me the silent treatment, then the Chief Executive ODs on dolce de leche.
Now these accounting bozos want to school me in comedic pugilism. I better find out if they seek a soft trial balance or a hard final close.
I say to Jon ” You were bullied when you were a kid, right? That’s why you became an accountant, so you could be the bully and fire people.”
“I get it . With no real abilities and little intelligence, Generally Accepted Accounting Principles let you be someone, make a difference.”
I gesture toward the sleeping Chancellor. “You don’t realize people like him hire you to do their dirty work while they reap the benefits.”
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)