Regi continues “Most classes are run by TAs or ‘expert’ guest lecturers who teach an hour in the morning and then go sailing all afternoon.”
“Our students pass their exams, score well on the USMLE’s, get into residency programs at hospitals back home and go on to become doctors.”
“That would matter if Ross or even St. George’s granted the degree. But Bob Marley School of Medicine? What kind of doctors do they become?”
“As good as one from any mainland medical school.” “That’s what I’m afraid of.” Suddenly camouflaged marines burst into the lecture hall.
Face paint matches uniforms. One shouts “U.S. Marines! Everybody all right? Where are the Cubans?” Regi says “Yow!” and jumps into my arms.
I say “You have the wrong island. You want Grenada in 1983.” “This isn’t Grenada?” “Nope. You missed it.” “Dang! OK men, back to the boat!”
The marines file out. Regi asks “What was that?” “That was either an out of time experience or a troop of Grenadian liberation re-enactors.”
“A what?” “It’s a long story about knock knock jokes and alternate realities.” “I know a knock-knock joke. Knock knock.” “Who’s there?”
“Not me.” “You’re not here?” “Can you tell I’m a bit drunk?” “I didn’t noticed.” “The reason I can do a tour is I just finished midterms.”
“You got drunk after finishing midterms?” “Welcome to Med school. After a night of Jägermeister shots, I woke up this morning still drunk.”
“You didn’t drink before.” “I wasn’t under so much pressure. This studying is a bitch! Anatomy! Biochemistry! Genetics! Pathology! Anatomy!”
Regi pauses to catch her breath. “Did I mention anatomy?” Now I get it. Regi was uncharacteristically affectionate at the campus entrance.
The pressures of medical school study drove her to drink. It also explains why she missed all my subtle cues to pretend she didn’t know me.
I say “I had no idea you wanted to become a doctor.” Regi laughs. “Become a doctor? Not at all. I came here to investigate shady practices.”
“I enrolled to get inside.” “Is your study stress normal?” “Yes and no. I did so well first term they put me in the accelerated program.”
“They’re on to you.” “What?” “Obviously they know you’re here under false pretenses. They put you in that advanced program to tie you down.”
“Between overwhelming course load and alcoholic binges they’ve got you right where they want you.” Regi looks at me like I’m out of my mind.
“Are you out of your mind?” “I’m here to save you.” “I don’t need saving.” “I think you do. Let me take you off island.” Regi pulls away.
She smiles “Just because we’re holding hands doesn’t mean we’re gonna take warm showers til the wee hours of the morning. You hear me?”
“Huh?” “I’ve always wanted to say that! It’s from a Clint Eastwood movie.” I’d pursue Regi’s line of thought, but I don’t feel lucky today.
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)