“Have you also seen your father’s ghost?” “What?” “Um, like Hamlet.” “I may be drunk, but I’m not crazy. What’s Hamlet got to do with it?”
“You just quoted Shakespeare. By the Hamlet finale everyone’s rotting in Denmark, except Horatio.” “Where there’s a Will, there’s a wake.”
It seems the doppelGränger hasn’t visited Regi. That’s good to know…unless the “Will” she refers to is Willum Granger! I better find out.
“Some say Hamlet was really Shakespeare’s son Hamnet, and therefore the ghost of his father was really the ghost of Shakespeare himself.”
“Then Hamlet was ghostwritten?” “Huh?” “If the ghost was Shakespeare, he was composing his play from beyond the grave.” “Or decomposing.”
I delve further. “Do you think it is possible for someone to ghostwrite from the grave?” “Not the grave, especially if he died laughing.”
Alas, poor Will! Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar?
Rachel says “I have to go study. My first class tomorrow is anatomy.” “If you’re here uncover shady practices, why worry about your grades?”
“If I don’t keep up I’ll be put in the extended program or totally cycled out. They get rid of failing students to keep their stats up.”
“What shady practice have you documented?” “None yet. I’m too busy studying.” “And you don’t have a problem?” “Nothing aspirin won’t solve.”
“You’ve found no skeletons in the closet, no bodies hidden somewhere?” “This is a medical school! Of course it has skeletons and bodies!”
“Regi, I want you to come back with me. There’s someone you should meet.” “I can’t do that. There’s nothing you can say to change my mind.”
“What if I told you the Chancellor has ADD?” “That’s too bad. Did he get it from a dirty needle?” “Not AIDS, Attention Deficit Disorder.”
“The Chancellor has trouble focusing? It explains a lot, but I’m staying.” “What if I told you they’re laying off older staff to cut costs?”
“I won’t depart from that corrupt med school dock until I complete my corrupt med school doc, my corrupt med school doc or possibly both.”
I have no idea what Regi just said. I look around the lecture hall and spot a monkey sitting in the very back row holding a human skull.
Regi continues: “I appreciate you coming all the way down but I don’t need your help.” “OK. I get it. There’s a monkey loose over there.”
“Don’t change the subject.” “I’m not. There is a monkey.” As Regi turns, the monkey waves the skull in the air and hoots contemplatively.
“Alas, poor Yorick is out of his cage again.” “His name is Yorick?” “I know him Arkaby. A monkey of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.”
“Yorick has a knack for escaping cages.” “You have a lot of simian escapees. Some of them are playing golf.” “We have to catch him.” “We?”
“Yes, we! When Yorick gets out he steals pathology lab materials.” “Like a human skull?” “Or worse. We have to get him back in his cage.”
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)