With the ERUPT manual in one hand and my cell in the other I open both at random. The Manual reads: “This page left blank intentionally.”
On Twitter a smiling white whale is lifted by orange birds: “Twitter is over capacity. Too many tweets! Please wait a moment and try again.”
I need to know three things. Who is causing this trending #ParadigmShift? Why are they causing it? What is this stuff I almost stepped into?
“What is this stuff, tapioca?” “No, that’s horse manure.” “It looks just like tapioca.” “Believe me, it’s not.” Regi’s words reassure me.”
Tapioca always turns my stomach and ruins my shoes. Lucky I didn’t step in it this time. I would have ruined my spats for sure. Spats? Damn!
Since when do I wear spats? “Do you find it strange we’re about to travel in a horse and carriage?” “No stranger than you wearing spats.”
“We’re out of time.” “OK. Let’s get going.” “No. We’re out of our time.” “What’s ‘our time’?” “The time we came from. Don’t you remember?”
“I understand each of your words, but I have no idea what you’re saying.” “Let’s try this. Do you remember how your father was killed?”
“Sure. A swamp adder bit Dad after crawling down a bell cord in his locked room on the whistled command of A, his former surgeon.” ‘Um no.”
“Right. An orangutan cut my father’s throat while trying to shave him in an inaccessible fourth floor room locked from the inside.” “Nope.”
“I know! Dad was shot trying to kill his blackmailer. Then while faking his own demise he bled to death in a locked room.” “Not even close.”
“Regi, your father died from self-severance when his ‘Call to Post’ ringtone made him run in two directions at once.” “That’s ridiculous!”
Ridiculous indeed. A self-made man, Granger founded cloning lab ‘Body Parts R Us’ and replaced every part of his body with enhanced organs.
I thought he became a self-made man to prolong his life. According to his doppelgänger it was to personify the superhero trope in real life.
What did he say? Wait. Here it is: “Instead of outering human abilities as our tools, superheroes internalize our tools as super powers.”
“Granger wanted super powers to prepare for when there might be no tools. Too bad A stopped him.” This is what my ERUPT Manual refers to!
Regi asks “What are you reading?” “My Twitter. Dr. A dreaded a superGranger and slipped your father fast dissolving sutures during surgery.”
“I thought my father re-wrote his DNA to make his genetic sequences into palindromes.” “Yes, but his intentions weren’t just artistic.”
“DNA alterations were to augment his powers. A thought he wanted to become more than human and slipped him the sutures.” “Like Spider-Man?”
“Huh?” “Are you saying my father cloned himself to sling webs, climb walls and express teenage angst?” “Don’t you remember what A said?”
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)