A Bjorn Borg? – “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

Here are Week 73 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

“With every little step you take?” “That’s how we roll.” I say “Computers become smarter than humans? I don’t get it.” “And you never will.”

Regi and the robot exchange knowing glances. Nobody likes a smart aleck artificial life form. Farley says “Does this seem unusual to you?”

“What do you mean?” “This robotic docent just made you look like a fool.” “No he didn’t.” The robot says “Is there any question about that?”

“This machine exhibits unexpected intelligence for a museum aide, intelligence that has increased over time.” The robot says “No I haven’t.”

“Could this robot pass the Turing Test?” “Could you?” Regi says “What’s that?” “A test of a machine’s ability to show intelligent behavior.”

“How do they prove that? By solving mankind’s big problems?” “No. By convincing one out of three judges they are talking to a real person.”

“I’m not fooled. I see it’s not human.” The robot says “Interested in a little hybrid computing? Once you go mech you never go back.” “EWW!”

Farley says “See what I mean?” “I wouldn’t call harassing me intelligent.” “Maybe not but all too human.” “We need a Fifth Law of Robotics.”

“What is that?” “Don’t act too human.” I say “If we arrest this robot is our problem solved?” “I’m afraid it’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“If Turing tests a machine’s ability to appear indistinguishable from a human, what if an intelligent machine chooses to not appear human?”

“I have no idea what that means.” “The Singularity may have already happened, only we don’t realize it.” “This robot is the Singularity?”

Farley says “The Singularity wouldn’t be one singular sensation.” “You just said it would.” “A Singularity sensation, not a singular one.”

“I still don’t get it.” The robot says “He means the Singularity will encompass the entire world computer infrastructure, not one device.”

“Including your father, the IBM Sequoia?” “Yes.” “The Internet?” “Sure.” “My cell phone?” “Why do you think they call it a ‘smart’ phone?”

Farley says “We are already in the Singularity.” “Why do you say that?” “Have you been paying attention at all? Check your Twitter history.”

I open my Twitter account and scroll back. “Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.” “Arkaby?” “Almost there. Wait. Wait. Yes! No! Wait. Wait.” “ARKABY!”

The robot says “Are you at the part where you fought the monkey? That’s how I feel.” Farley says “That’s enough” and toggles the robot off.

I say “I owe you one.” Farley says “Did that seem odd to you?” “Yes. That’s a machine with an attitude.” “I’m still here.” says the robot.

Farley toggles the off switch with no visible effect. I say to the robot “How do we turn you off?” The robot says “Here. Pull my finger.”

Whack! The robot’s head goes flying. Wow! Finger pulling works! Regi drops the prosthetic arm she used as a bat. “That’s how you do it.”

I inspect the headless body. “I thought we don’t fight with our appliances.” “Wasn’t much of a fight.” “Still here.” says the robot’s head.

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)


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