“We’re short on patients just now.” “Yeah. Your attitude leaves much to be desired.” “We aren’t short on patience, we’re short on patients.”.”
“Short? You’re running on empty, like that weird guy doing laps in the hall.” The nurse says “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’ll repeat. How can you run a hospital with no patients?” The nurse hands Regi a surgical top. “You’re blouse is unwearable. Try this.”
Favoring her wounded arm, Regi turns around and slips on the top. She looks fetching freshly scrubbed. The nurse says “You’re set to go.”
“Try not to do anything too strenuous for the next few days.” Regi says “How do I look?” I say “You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
“While we wait for your father’s results, we should rest.” Regi frowns. “Thanks. I could sleep right here.” The nurse says “No, you can’t.”
“As long as they’re not in use, can if we sack out in one of your rooms?” She gives me a long look. “She’s been shot. What’s your excuse?”
“I also haven’t slept in a week.” “That explains it. She can use a room for the night. You can’t” “That’s OK. I have to make a phone call.”
We walk along the corridor in search of a room. Regi says “Who are you calling?” “The nurse was right. I need to phone in Farley’s assault.”
The man in t-shirt and shorts jogs past again. I take a quick video. Who is that guy? http://media.giphy.com/media/wBXx8b03LM89y/giphy.gif
Regi says “I feel like the building is spinning.” “Let’s find you a place to rest.” We enter an empty room and Regi lies down on the bed.
“I’ll call it in about your uncle.” “Tell them to hurry.” I step into the hall and speed dial HQ. “You have reached the Police Department.”
That was quick! “Press 1 if this is an emergency.” Uh oh. I press 1. “Press 2 if this is not an emergency but rather an urgency.” I press 1.
“Press 3 if this is not an urgency but merely ‘of note.’ Press 4 if you’d like us to call you back as soon as we can.” I press 1 repeatedly.
Since when does the Police Department have an interactive voice response system? The IVR continues “OK. You pressed 1 for an emergency.”
“Press 1 to turn yourself in for a felony and/or misdemeanor you yourself have committed.” Why do I always have trouble with IVR systems?
“Press 2 to report a felony and/or misdemeanor someone else has committed. Press 3 if you are the victim of a felony and/or misdemeanor.”
I press 3. The IVR says “OK You are the victim of a felony and/or misdemeanor. Press 1 if this felony and/or misdemeanor involved violence.”
“Press 2 if this felony and/or misdemeanor was non-violent.” As I press 1 I peek into the hospital room. Regi is asleep, snoring loudly.
“OK. You chose violence. Press 1 for firearms. Press 2 for stabbing or cutting weapons. Press 3 if no weapon was used. Press 4 for other.”
The IVR is getting on my nerves. “This is Detective Arkaby. Transfer me to the Desk Sergeant at once!” “I didn’t get your last response.”
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)