They discovered that most often people don’t wear perfume to embrace moral precepts. A scentsational bankruptcy left them holding the tank.
The thousands of gallons of perfume attracted millions of bees. Lavender Blue Dilly Dilly Headquarters became a hive of fruitless activity.
Bee activities may have been fruitless, but I got the point, repeatedly. The disoriented bees found my perfume-saturated body irresistible.
I eluded the LBDD bee swarm by the skin of my teeth, but with my facial features so distorted I was virtually incognito. It hurt like hell.
Then an irate motorist cleaned my clock when I parallel universe parked in his space. I woke at Body Parts R Us, prepped for facial surgery.
I refused surgery which my insurance considered elective and denied coverage. The Concierge still charged me for services not rendered.
Rixey says “Arkaby? Are you still with us?” “Yes. I was reliving my last experience with this character. Don’t let him near your wallet.”
The Concierge says “Do you have a warrant? If not you’ll have to leave.” “With a report of shots fired, we don’t need no stinking warrant.”
Regi says “Concierge, why are you running around the halls of Body Parts R Us in your shorts?” “Whose shorts should I be running around in?”
I say “No, you misunderstood her question. What she means is, whose halls should you be running around in?” “That’s not what I mean at all.”
Rixey pushes past us. “Take us to where Farley Granger has concealed himself…NOW!” “OK! OK! Keep your pants on while I get my pants on.”
Rixey says “Pants or no pants, move!” Raising his hands, the Concierge says “You sure you don’t want us to pull that stick from your ass?”
Rixey levels his gun at the Concierge. I step between. “Easy now! It’s not worth the cost of the bullet, which he’ll likely charge you for.”
Regi says “You work for this hothead?” “Work WITH is a better way to put it. He can go overboard when riled up.” Rixey holsters his weapon.
Through gritted teeth he says “Can we PLEASE proceed to Farley Granger’s safe room?” The Concierge says “Of course since you ask so nicely.”
Methodically stepping into a pair of pants, he zips up and says “All set.” The Concierge leads the way. Rixey and the cops bring up the rear.
Rixey says “A passion defending justice is not ‘going overboard’.” “I agree he is annoying, but I never felt the need to pull a gun on him.”
Regi says “Try to keep it in your pants in the future. It’s bad enough that my Uncle Farley is trigger happy without you cops joining in.”
Rixey says “You’re a fine one to talk about keeping it in your pants.” I say “She’s not referring to your penis.” “I know what she means.”
Regi squares off in front of Rixey. “Do you really?” “ARE you referring to my penis?” ” I’m referring to your trigger finger, not your dick.
“I assume you can tell them apart. In the upcoming pissing contest I don’t want you to grab the wrong thing and shoot Farley by accident.”
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)