Spontaneous Human Combustion! — Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

Here are Week 92 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

Body Part R Us lab techs arrive and set up plastic walls just outside the safe room door. At that same moment, Rixey’s Swat Team appears.

At the door Dot says “Nobody comes in here without full Hazmat gear. Phil, get us ready for Isolation. Take samples here, here and there.”

Regi says “Farley locked himself alone in this impenetrable room. How can this pink film be all that’s left? Where is the rest of him?”

I wave my hand. “That’s him all over. Dot will identify the remains.” “And if it is him?” “Rixey’s team will figure out who liquidated him.”

“You think he was murdered?” “Someone gave him a shellacking, actually turning him into shellac.” “Who would want to kill him like that?”

“To find out I need to know three things: What was the motive for the murder? What was the method? What is this stuff we just stepped into?”

I ask Dot “Could this stuff be tapioca?” “No” he says “That’s highly unlikely.” “It looks just like pink tapioca.” “Believe me, it’s not.”

Dot’s words reassure me. Tapioca always turns my stomach. Regi asks “Can he have done this to himself?” “I doubt he blew apart on his own.”

“You don’t believe in spontaneous human combustion?” “Where someone just bursts into flame without any obvious cause?” “It could happen.”

“No. In a world of 7 billion people we don’t hear of anyone bursting apart while strolling down the street or sipping coffee at Starbucks.”

“Maybe it was accidental.” “No! It was cold-blooded murder!” Dot says “Who would kill Farley? Everyone liked him.” Regi says “Not everyone.”

They look in my direction. “Me? I’ve got nothing against Farley. Sure, he impersonated his dead brother to send me on a wild goose chase.”

He may have thought I’d die in the effort or come back totally discredited. When I succeeded he took a shot at me to avoid paying my fee.”

“He humiliated me, put my life at risk multiple times, jeopardized Regi and owed me a lot of money. Those are hardly motives for murder.”

Rixey says “I’m not so sure about that.” He holds up his cell phone. “According to your own tweets, you and Farley had quite an argument.”

I read from my self-reported skirmish with Farley “Don’t make me take that gun away from you.” Like a swift gut punch I realize the truth!

“Rixey, you follow me on Twitter?” “Only when I have to.” There, preserved forever in my own words, is the account of my fight with Farley.

My own tweets incriminate me! Rixey says “Here is motive enough.” “You really believe I turned Farley into a coating of pink molecules?”

“How did I do it?” “You could have done it with a few ounces of C4.” “Which I didn’t have.” “Or some other kind of hypercorrosive compound.”

“I don’t know what that means.” “Not the first time.” “Rixey, you’re grasping at straws! There’s no way you can connect me to this crime.”

Dot says “You may have had motive enough, but not the opportunity. You and Regi have been inseparable since you came here.” Regi says “Um.”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)


Code Pink! — Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues!


















Here are Week 91 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

What happened to Farley? Rixey and his men enter first and quickly fan out to each corner of the room looking for the erstwhile occupant.

Regi, Dot, the Concierge and I follow the cops in. No one is home. Rixey says “Are there hidden doors or secret closets?” Dot says “No.”

Regi says “What’s that smell?” “What smell?” “I detect a faint whiff of bowel.” “It isn’t me.” “No, like you sometimes get in a path lab.”

“Something is different about this room from the last time we were here.” “Yes. Farley Granger isn’t standing over there shooting at us.”

“Something else I can’t put my finger on.” Rixey pokes around the empty desk and bare shelves. He says “I don’t get this as a safe room.”

“What do you mean?” “There’s no phone or computer.” “Farley had a thing about them.” “No food, no water, no books, no TV. Nobody at all.”

“How could he survive here? Why was he hiding? Why is everything pink?” Regi says “That’s it! Farley’s safe room wasn’t this color before.”

Regi is right! When we were here a little while ago the room was painted in muted greys, whites and silvers. Now everything has a pink hue.

Dot says ‘Uh oh.” He turns to the Concierge. “Call Containment. Get them over here quick.” Rixey says “What is it?” “Don’t touch anything.”

“What is going on?” Dot gestures around the now in-the-pink safe room. “The pink sheen on everything may be what remains of Farley Granger.”

“WHAT THE HELL?” Regi says “EWW!” I have been leaning on Farley’s now-pink desk. I jump away and realize I stand on Farley’s now-pink rug.

Everything pink. Pink floor, pink ceiling. Behind a pink desk, next to a pink chair is a pink belt buckle and Farley Granger’s now-pink gun.

Pink. There’s no way around it or through it. Rixey says “Doc, you’re saying all this pink stuff was a person?” “That’s Farley in the pink.”

“That’s impossible! What vaporized his entire body like this?” “I don’t know. But we’re all contaminated by this possible biohazard.”

I say “A biohazard? What does that mean?” “It means that until we know what turned Farley into a pink mist, no one can leave this hospital.”

Farley Granger another victim of an implausible murder? I always thought he was a dead ringer for his twin brother, but this is ridiculous!

That it comes to this! First Willum split, not in a good way. Now Farley’s too too solid flesh melts, thaws and resolves itself into a dew!

Also, not in a good way. I normally take charge at times like this. As an ex-cop on permanent dismissal, my crime detecting hands are tied.

I pick up Farley’s now-pink gun with a pen. “He used this gun. Bag it for forensics.” Rixey says “Who asked you? This is my crime scene.”

Rixey continues “And as for who will say who can leave, that is me.” Dot says “No, as the current ranking medical authority that is me.”

Dot and Rixey stand toe to toe. “You have no authority here” they say in unison. “Yeah? Who’s going to stop me? I am. You and what army?”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

Objects Are Closer Than They Appear — Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

Here are Week 90 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

“Rixey, you should hear what Dot is saying.” “NOT NOW!” Favoring his injured hand, Rixey reapplies the crowbar to the doorframe. “OOMPH!”

I turn back to Dot. “Have you figured out why Granger is experiencing post-mortem immortality?” “You mean why his body hasn’t decomposed?”

“He wasn’t dipped in paraffin or formalin, yet here he remains.” “By re-writing his DNA he made his corpse unavailable to nature.” “Huh?”

“Gene remodeling led microbes to find him distasteful.” “I knew it!” “What led you to find him in a school path lab?” “That I don’t know.”

“Why did you go to the Caribbean?” “I was sent to find Regi.” “Who sent you?” “Her father’s ghostly facsimile.” Dot looks dubious. “Hmm.”

“A ‘ghost’ sent you to find Regi?” “He said she was in danger and the end was near.” “You went looking for the girl and found the ghoul?”

“Not a ghoul. More like the unwalking dead.” Regi says “Hey! I wasn’t that drunk!” “Not you, him.” “Recruited by a ghost and yet you went.”

“He offered to pay.” “Cash or Bitcoins?” “No, cash. I owe your hospital $30,000 for work you didn’t do. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

“Who sent you down there?” “I thought it was Farley Granger, but he denies it.” Regi says “Wait. You got paid to rescue me?” “Not yet.”

“Didn’t you tell me it was because you are in love with me?” “That too. He said you were in danger and the end is near.” “The end of what?”

“The end of the world as we know it. He asked me if I was hard enough to deal with it and I said yes.” Rixey comes over cradling his hand.

He says “You took money off the books?” “Not yet. My phantom visitor put my payment in escrow pending successful completion of the job.”

“I agreed to do it because you had me cooling my heels on semi-permanent suspension.” “And now I’m putting you on permanent dismissal.”

Regi says “That goes double for me.” “Regi, I didn’t do it for the money.” “Would you have come to get me for free?” “Well, no.” “Un huh.”

“I thought Granger’s ghost was a figment of my imagination. I needed something tangible to go on.” “And yet you believed he would pay you?”

“I know it sounds crazy in hindsight.” “More than crazy.” Rixey says “Whatever. You’re finished with the force.” “We’ll see about that.”

“Meanhile, how are you coming with that door?” “We can’t open it.” “Too bad. You should keep trying.” “No. I’ve called in the Swat Team.”

Dot says “That’s not necessary. I have a key.” “YOU HAVE A KEY?” “Yes. I always carry the only other key for just this type of situation.”

Rixey turns to me “YOU KNEW THIS?” “Hey, I’m on permanent dismissal. It’s no longer my problem.” “I BROKE MY PINKY FINGER ON THAT DOOR!”

“Someone in this hospital should take a look. I suggest Dash.” “Later. Dr. Dot, will you open the door?” Dot takes a key from his pocket.

Fitting the key into the lock, he gives it a turn and the door to Farley’s safe room swings open. We all peer inside. The room is empty.

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

Them Crazy Bones — Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

Here are Week 89 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

Regi says to the Concierge “Are you sure Farley’s safe room has no plumbing?” “Yes. That would have represented a possible entry point.”

“So he always wears an adult diaper?” “No. That would be ridiculous. He takes a chamber pot into his safe room.” “He goes potty?” “Yes.”

I say “Not at all ridiculous.” Rixey says “So your diaper idea is full of holes.” “At least we’re dealing with a perp who’s potty trained.”

“He’s taken a step forward from diapers. Can you say the same?” Not rising to the bait, Rixey says “Same difference. He’s not coming out.”

“Forcing this door might injure Granger.” “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” The concierge says “You’ll be billed for anything you break.”

Rixey waves his arm dismissively. The Concierge says “Is police work always like this?” Regi says “I’m new to the scene. I wouldn’t know.”

Rixey’s cops return carrying a crowbar and a screwdriver. “What is that?” “We figured that if we can’t force the door we can unhinge it.”

“The hinges are on the inside.” “Oh. We’ll pry it open.” They insert the crowbar between door and frame and bracing four hands, pull hard.

The Concierge says “The door is reinforced. I doubt you can move it.” Sweat appears on their foreheads. They pull back with visible effort.

“You wimps!” Rixey grabs the end of the crowbar and puts his weight into it. The cops join in. “BREAK DOWN DAMN IT!” Dr. Dot walks over.

Dot asks “What are they trying to do?” “They are trying to break into Farley’s safe room.” “Why do they want to do that?” “To arrest him.”

“Why do they want to arrest him?” “He shot at me and hit Regi.” “Makes sense. Why didn’t they ask me for the key?” “You have a key?” “Yes.”

Dot had the key to Farley Granger’s shielded room all along! I look past him to where Rixey and his two cops are struggling with the door.

The efforts to force the door appear fruitless. Straining against the crowbar, Rixey has turned a dark plum, veins bulging on his forehead.

One of the cops clutches his chest and drops to the ground. “I’m OK. I got a cramp” he gasps. Regi says “We should tell him.” “In a minute.”

“Dot, why are you here?” “I have Willum Granger’s second autopsy results.” “What’s new?” “He died from splitting in two.” “I knew that.”

“Now we know twice.” “Nothing else?” “Someone put his halves together.” “I knew that too.” “They did a sloppy job.” “I didn’t know that.”

“A really inept post-mortem reconnection. The foot bone’s not connected to the leg bone; the leg bone’s not connected to the knee bone.”

“Rixey and the cops go “OOMPH!” “The thigh bone’s not connected to the hip bone; the hip bone’s not connected to the back bone.” “UMPH!”

“What does it mean?” “Them bones ain’t gonna walk around.” “I didn’t think they would.” “Yet somehow they’ve wandered from the cemetery.”

“I’m looking into that.” The crowbar slips from the door frame sending the three cops flying. Rixey shouts “OW! I’ve broken my finger bone!”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)