I scroll back to my time in the clink. A called me an ape. I lifted him up by his lapels. What were we fighting about? Oh yeah. His bench.
Regi says “No, you fought over Stuart Granger.” She’s right. It was nighttime. Crowded prisoners dozed in a cell as dark as my captive soul.
I wrestled in the dark with A, my former nemesis, prior Director of Willum Granger’s cloning lab, “Body Parts R Us” and also his murderer.
That wasn’t the first time the two of us had tangled. In our previous struggle A had shoved Regi and me into a freezer and locked the door.
The memory of it still gives me chills and not in a good way. In our latest struggle A had ripped off my shirt. Also not in a good way.
I just wanted somewhere to sit for the night. A said “You’ve never had any idea what you’re meddling in!” “That hasn’t stopped me before!”
Still grasping A’s lapels I said “You’re not so tough when you don’t have a gun to back you up.” A tried to sucker punch me in the groin.
Fortunately I was turned sideways to shrink my target area. As my hip caught his fist, he looked up, expecting me to fold in half. I smiled.
“You’ll have to do better than that” I said. A also smiled as he swung his other arm around and grabbed my groin. I saw stars. “How’s that?”
I replied “OOF!” From deep within the dark cell Big Guy said “Can you two finish up your erotic playtime? Some of us are trying to sleep.”
Releasing my groin, A turned to the room and said “F%#k off asshole!” I stumbled to the bench, leaving A to face Big Guy. Finally a seat!
Other awakened inmates yelled complaints or epithets at A. Nobody was actually willing to leave their benches for fear of losing them.
As A stood his ground the other inmates returned to sleep. A then looked over to where I was sitting on his bench, smiling. “Move!” he said.
I stayed where I was. A said “Are you moving or not?” I considered my alternatives. “I think ‘not’. You shouldn’t have offered me a choice.”
“What the f#@k are you doing?” “I’m sitting here until we see the judge.” “Like hell you are!” “I AM sitting here. See? I’m right here.”
I watched A consider taking another run at me and crossed my legs, bending them under the bench. Next to me in the car Regi says “TMI.”
After a moment, A shrugged his shoulders and sat down beside me. I said “We go back a long way together. Let me ask you something.” “Yeah?”
“All the time we worked together when you were City Coroner, you never told me you used to be Director of Willum Granger’s cloning lab.”
A said “If I had, would you have realized it was me who killed Granger with fast dissolving sutures and an upbeat ringtone?” “Probably not.”
“You strung me along while I worked on Granger’s murder, took advantage of inside information and played me for a fool.” “I wasn’t playing.”
“I never got why you killed him and in such a gruesome and humiliating manner. What was your problem?” “It wasn’t gruesome and humiliating.”
(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)