What If I Told You Bitcoins Aren’t Real — Live-Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

Here are Week 118 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

“What didn’t she believe?” “Anything.” I thought back to when I stood in my underwear before the bar while the judge reviewed the charges.

The judge had asked if Granger had a twin brother AND a doppelgänger. The truth hit me like a swift gut punch! I stood naked before the law!

All morning in court I watched defendant after defendant plead guilty or bargain a plea to a lesser charge. No way I was going that route.

I pointed to Rixey and said “Your Honor, this travesty is the result of the animosity of that man! He needed a suspect and I fit the bill.”

The judge glanced at Rixey who stared without expression. Turning back she said “YOU are accused of killing Willum Granger.” “No, I’m not.”

“Excuse me?” “Not Willum, his twin brother, Farley.” She looks back at the file “Right. Farley. Are you pleading guilty?” “No, I’m not.”

“Your Honor, I don’t know which Granger came into my office that day. I do know I didn’t kill him, or his brother or his doppelgänger.”

The judge then asked the bailiff. “Where is this man’s counsel?” He replied “Defendant waived counsel.” “Is this true?” “Yes, your Honor.”

“Do you know who said ‘A man who is his own lawyer has a fool for his client’?” “Lincoln. It doesn’t mean a man with a lawyer isn’t a fool.”

She stared, then turned to Rixey “Do you have anything to say?” Rising, he replied “Your Honor, this man is a danger to himself and others.”

“I get your point. However, I see no cause to hold him.” She pounded the gavel. “Detective Arkaby, I release you on your own recognizance.”

They prepped for their next case. I said “Your Honor, I don’t want to be released.” The judge looked up from her documents. “Excuse me?”

“I can’t go out like this. I’ve lost my clothes.” “You have no clothes?” “Do you think I would appear in court like this if I did?” “Maybe.”

“I can get someone to spring me if you let me make a call.” “Make your call. You don’t need court approval.” “Can you lend me a quarter?”

The judge said “Bailiff?” “Your Honor?” “Will you please give this man a quarter?” “Sorry, no change.” “Can ANYONE give this man a quarter?”

The silence in the courtroom was vast. The judge repeated “Anyone?” Then Rixey said “Oh hell!” dug into his pocket and tossed me two bits.

I caught his toss. It wasn’t money, it was a flash drive. I said “I need two bits. What’s this?” Rixey replied “Not just two bits. Bitcoin.”

The flash drive was unlabeled. “How many bits is this?” Rixey smiled “Enough to make your call.” “On a public pay phone?” “Just plug it in.”

How many bits did a Bitcoin hit if a Bitcoin did hit bits? 2 bits? 4 bits? 6 bits? A dollar? Rixey made me want to stand up and holler!

The bailiff said “That drive won’t work on our pay phones.” Rixey continued smiling. I said “Thanks for nothing.” “Happy to do my bit.”

“As always. Just a little bit. “I tossed the Bitcoin drive which Rixey caught and pocketed. The judge said “Does anybody ELSE have change?”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

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Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Turns In His Grave — Live-Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

Here are Week 117 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

The judge said “It wasn’t Farley Granger’s doppelgänger?” “No it was his twin brother Willum’s.” “He had a twin brother AND a doppelgänger?”

Now I was confused. Was that it? Did Willum Granger have a twin brother AND a doppelgänger? Sitting beside me in the car, Regi says “YES!”

I look up from my phone “Yes what?” “YES! There is a doppelgänger!” “That’s what I was trying to tell the judge!” “I know who it is!” “Huh?”

Regi continues “It wasn’t a ghost, clone or the walking dead. It MUST have been Stuart Granger! He’s alive! ALIVE!” “I already know that.”

“You already know that? How?” “It’s elementary. Once you eliminate the improbable whatever remains, no matter how impossible, is the truth.”

“You’ve got that wrong.” “I made it up myself.” “I don’t think so. ‘Though he might have been more humble, there’s no police like Holmes.'”

“Then let’s examine the facts. Fact 1: Someone who looks just like your father came to my office.” Regi says “Maybe it was a disguise.”

“If so it was a good one. He was a dead ringer. Fact 2: Farley was murdered while hiding from the imminent appearance of the Singularity.”

Regi says “Maybe it was an accident.” “If so it was a good one. Fact 3: Your uncle Stuart is considered dead, but his body was never found.”

“Maybe it was a premature ejaculation.” “If so it was a good one.” “So they wrote him off too soon?” “It’s the only impossible explanation.”

“Of all the craziness we’ve experienced, that’s what you find impossible?” “Improbably, yes.” “What does it mean if Stuart is still alive?”

“Heads will roll. Two things. One: Stuart Granger is the doppelgänger not Farley. Two: He’s behind all of this and you’re part of it.” “Me?”

“The first thing the doppelgänger wanted me to do was rescue you from that medical school. He never told me why, but it must be important.”

Watching the road Regi says “If your visitor was Uncle Stuart incognito it would explain why he wanted me shielded from the paradigm shift.”

“OK. Why make it a mystery? Why play games?” “What games did he play with you?” “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “No. He played knock knock.”

“You played knock knock with someone you thought long dead?” “Yes. It gave a new twist to the question ‘Who’s there?’ “Or, who isn’t there.”

“What did he answer?” “‘Not who you think I am.'” “So Stuart thought that you thought that he was my father’s spirit, back from the grave?”

“He answered in riddles. I don’t know what he thought.” “But what does it mean if Stuart is still alive?” “It means we have to find him.”

Regi frowns “I don’t think it means that. He’ll find us when he’s ready.” “If he’s alive.” “Not if. When.” “When what?” “When he’s ready!”

“Yes. If he’s alive.” We drive on in silence. Finally Regi asks “Did you finish your prison story?” “It’s not a story. It really happened.”

“I entered jail clothed and left in my underwear.” “I know. What did the judge say when you pleaded your case?” “She didn’t believe me.”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

Diving Out — Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

Here are Week 116 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

A pool of darkness opened at my feet and was far deeper than the blackest night. I dove in. It had no bottom This was my chance to escape.

I was either dead or my watch stopped. Was death my ultimate exit? It was not what I expected. First of all I was still really cold. Uh oh.

Once again I experienced the ineffable. No more mysteries, collecting clues, collaring culprits, confronting cons. I was perfectly at peace.

That feeling of postmortem serenity happened to me before. Regi says “Yes. In Puerto Rico. You fainted when you thought you’d been shot.”

“I didn’t faint. I experienced the ineffable.” “Uh huh.” “Regi, are you reading my Twitter feed?” “I just glance over from time to time.”

“Well, keep your eyes on the road. We’re almost at my apartment.” Where was I? Oh, yeah. I wasn’t. The blackness had devoured me. I was out.

“All the same, I was still in. From deep in the black pool I heard a voice. “Arkaby wake up!” “Lemme sleep Ma. I’ll look for a job tomorrow.”

“I opened my eyes. I was in a small cell in just my underwear. “I’m not dead?” “No, but you look like it.” He placed a compress on my head.

“You may have a concussion. Do you want to go to the infirmary?” “Yes.” “Let me warn you going to the medic prolongs your stay.” “Then no.”

“I realized I was no longer in the group holding cell. “How did I get here? Where is everybody else?” They’ve all gone before the judge.”

“Where are my pants?” “We found you like this.” “OK. Give me something to wear.” “This is a holding facility. We don’t have prison garb.”

“I can’t go before the judge like this! Get me something!” “Now?” “Yes!” “Let me warn you finding you pants prolongs your stay.” “Then no.”

“I walked into court and took a seat. One by one detainees stood before the judge and were either released on bail or remanded into custody.

“My turn. Clad only in underwear, I stood before the judge as she read my file. Then she said “You are former Detective Arkaby?” “Yes I am.”

“Where are your clothes?” “I don’t know. They vanished mysteriously last night.” “Are you in here for drunk and disorderly?” “No I am not.”

“It says here you vaporized a man in his own safe room. Is that correct?” “No, Your Honor.” “It doesn’t say that?” “I mean I didn’t do it.”

“The judge looked back over my file. “Your Honor I can clear up this confusion. Farley Granger believed himself a target of the Singularity.”

“The what?” “The Singularity. When computer intelligence exceeds human, changing civilization.” “Why would this Singularity target him?”

“Because he thought he knew how to stop it.” “Stop it from doing what?” “Changing our paradigm.” “Our what?” “Our understanding of reality.”

“The judge stared over her reading glasses. “What have you got to do with this?” “Granger’s doppelgänger hired me to stop this Singularity.”

“Doppel what?” “Doppelgänger. I thought it was his ghost or his clone or he was the walking dead.” The judge continued staring. “It wasn’t.”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

Neither Light Nor Heat — Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

Here are Week 115 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

“During his last cloning procedure you were lead surgeon. Didn’t you use fast-dissolving sutures around his middle to close him up?” “No.”

“Then didn’t you change his cell ringtone to ‘Call to Post’ so when it rang his bottom half ran off leaving his top behind?” “Ridiculous!”

“You TOLD me you did that before you shoved Regi and me into that freezer.” “That’s not how I remember it.” I suddenly realized the truth.

I was freezing! Don’t they heat these cells at night? Draping my torn shirt over my shoulders I said “A, are you playing me?” “Playing you?”

“Are you robotically denying everything I say?” “No.” “You just denied what I said again.” “No, I didn’t.” It was going to be a long night.

A settled beside me, closing his eyes. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined I’d be spending jail time with my former nemesis.

One justly convicted of murdering of Willum Granger. The other falsely accused of killing his brother, Farley. We would make quite a selfie.

A had misused his Police Coroner status to cover up his heinous crime. He had broken his Hippocratic Oath by bringing harm to his patient.

I knew where, how and when he did it. I still didn’t know why. What was A’s real beef with Willum Granger? This was my chance to find out.

Quietly, so I didn’t disturb my fellow inmates I whispered “Hey A! Tell me again why you were driven to murder Willum Granger.” No response.

I tried again “A! This is a chance to justify yourself!” A began snoring. “A!” “Zzzz.” A joined the chorus of snoring and muffled breathing.

What had A said before tossing us in the freezer? “It was necessary.” As Coroner A had controlled the evidence, subverting my investigation.

It made perfect sense! No wonder A bested me. He must have seen my Twitter posts as manna from heaven. Maybe I should switch to Snapchat.

As he forced Regi and me into the Morgue freezer, A denied he had done it for love or money. Out of options, I had asked my final question:

“A, why did you kill Granger?” “Granger took his augmentation too far.” Then A made a reference to a man becoming a god which I didn’t get.

Granger cloned and replaced every part of his body to become superman. His doppelgänger implied it was to combat a pending paradigm shift.

I was on the cusp of an epiphany! A executed Granger to prevent his eminent ascension. Farley was killed warning of an immanent Singularity.

Am I walking into eternity along Sandymount strand? Crush crack crick crick. Open your eyes now. I will. One moment. Has all vanished since?

Eureka! Suddenly a lightbulb went BINK above my head. The cell doors swung open as a guard wheeled in a breakfast cart. I had fallen asleep.

“Breakfast!” the guard called. As my fellow inmates gathered for their individual cereal boxes, milk cartons and apples I tried to stand.

While I slept someone pulled my pants down to my ankles. Why would they do that? I toppled and struck my head on the bench in front of me.

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)