Will the Real Willum Granger Please Stand Up? — Live-Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

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Here are Week 135 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

I was called to the scene of an apparent homicide. We ID’d the body as that of one Willum Granger who, when discovered, was beside himself.

That is, his top half was right next to his bottom. Shifting into detective mode, I never considered that we had the wrong body of evidence.

Now I wonder whose body was it? If he wasn’t in pieces on the pavement then maybe it he wasn’t put back together again at Regi’s med school.

According to his evil twin Farley, Willum used his cloning lab to swap every body organ with enhanced parts to confront for the Singularity.

Rejecting resistance, Farley hid in a safe room and died hideously. Not long after, a third twin brother returns miraculously from the dead.

It was Stuart, making the same claims of a Singularity paradigm shift that supposedly concerned Willum. In addition he was looking for Regi!

The truth hits me like a swift gut punch! Though misled all along by body double confusion, at the last I reach an inescapable conclusion.

If only I had a schilling for every time the truth hits me like that! “Tell me Stuart, why were you obsessed with bringing Regi back home?”

“I wasn’t obsessed.” “Yet you offered me $50K to find her. Regi, before you get upset let me say I would have taken the case for half that.”

Carefully studying Stuart’s face for possibly the first time, Regi gasps in horror and amazement. She says “Arkaby what are you suggesting?”

“I’d have found you for $25,000.” “I mean is Stuart who I think he is?” “Yes. All the evidence indicates Stuart is really Walter Pidgeon.”

We fall into a stunned silence to consider my revelation. Then Regi says “Wait. WHAT?” Stuart says “No Goddamnit! I’m not Walter Pidgeon!”

Regi says “Walter Pidgeon died years ago! How can he be Walter Pidgeon?” Stuart says “I’m Willum!” I say “He LOOKS like Walter Pidgeon!”

“That doesn’t make him Walter Pidgeon!” “It doesn’t NOT make him!” “LOTS of things not make him Walter Pidgeon!” Stuart says “I’m WILLUM!”

I say “Not things like what?” “Like Walter Pidgeon is not living!” “I’ll grant you that’s a problem. If he’s not Walter Pidgeon, who is he?”

Another stretch of silence. Finally I say “What was it you just said?” Stuart waits as if he expects to be interrupted. “I’m Willum” he says.

“Wait. WHAT?” “I’m Willum Granger.’ “No you’re not.” “Yes I am.” “You look like Walter Pidgeon.” He frowns. “Willum Granger died years ago!”

“I’m Willum!” “How can you be Willum Granger?” Regi says “He LOOKS like my dad” “That doesn’t make him your dad!” “It doesn’t not make him!”

“I’m WILLUM” “That’s ridiculous!” “More ridiculous that me being Walter Pidgeon?” I have to think about that. What cruel game is he playing?

It’s true Walter Pidgeon is dead so it’s unlikely he’s standing in my living room. However, I saw Granger’s body—split and later recombined.

Regi and I smuggled his unsevered body out of her Caribbean med school autopsy lab and off island. How could he be alive after all that?

The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery

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