The First Human to Fail the Turing Test — Live-Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

Here are Week 145 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

“What’s the stuff on the keyboards?” “Press 1 for lubricant. Press 2 for capacitor leakage. Press” There’s a pause and the IRV says “Achoo!”

Regi says “You can’t do that! Computers don’t sneeze when they catch a virus!” The IVR continues “Press 3 for tapioca.” “Huh?” I press 0.

“OK. You’ve pressed 0. Give me your Turing test. I am ready.” I say “I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. Who am I?”

“Press 1 for the Eggman. Press 2 for the Eggmen. Press 3 for the Walrus.” Regi says “That’s not a Turning test! That’s I Am the Walrus!”

“Shh! You gave it away!” The IVR says “3. Goo goo g’ joob.” “See? You’re not supposed to prompt!” Regi says “I thought Paul was the Walrus?”

The IVR says “Press 1 if you acknowledge I am not human. Press 2 if you require further tests. Press 3 if you are ready for my Turing test.”

The IVR wants to test ME? I’ll counter its proposal. I say “I don’t need a Turing test. I’m clearly the human in the room.” Regi says “Hey!”

“Clearly ONE human in the room.” Regi says “Hmph. Maybe you SHOULD take the IVR’s test.” The IVR says “Press 1 for my Turing question.”

I wait for more choices. After a brief silence Regi says “How do Beatles lyrics show the IVR isn’t human?” The IVR says “I didn’t get that.”

“Press 1 to repeat your options.” I press 1. “Press 1 for my Turing question.” That’s it? “What are my other options?” “That’s it. Just 1.”

I press 1 again. “You pressed 1. Here is my Turing question: What cloor was the lod gery mrae?” “Huh?” Regi says “That’s easy. Grey.” “Huh?”

“What’s grey?” “The old grey mare.” “What?” “The IVR asked ‘What color is the old grey mare?’” “No it didn’t. It spouted nonsense words.”

“You really don’t get what it said?” “Not a word.” “Listen to it again.” I press 1. The IVR says “You pressed 1. Here is my Turing question”

“What cloor was the lod gery mrae?” I don’t understand one word. Regi says “See? Old grey mare? That’s the trick. The old mare is grey.”

“How is this a Turing question?” “Computers can’t interpret the words with transposed letters. Most humans can, without even realizing it.”

“That’s ridiculous! My spell checker would figure that out!” The IVR says “Press 1 if you think your spell checker is smarter than you are.”

“Press 2 if you KNOW your spell checker is smarter than you.” “Hey!” Regi says “It’s got a point. You couldn’t answer the Turing question.”

Like a swift gut punch I realize the truth! I pull Regi aside. “Do you know what this means?” “You may not have human level intelligence?”

“NO! I’m human. By default I have human level intelligence.” “Not according to the IVR’s test.” “Since when does an IVR give a Turing test?”

“Since just now.” “But never before. Turing tests are given by humans to other humans to see if they can distinguish man from machine.”

Regi steps away from the server cabinet. We stand by the now-locked entrance. She whispers “What are you suggesting?” “The IVR is an AI.”

The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery

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