In a sonorous voice the IVR says “To see a World in a grain of sand”
“And a Heaven in a wild flower,” I’m arguing with a literate IVR?
“Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand” Where did it get the British accent?
“And Eternity in an hour.” Ii I don’t nip this in the bud it’ll spout Blake all night. “They’ve found the Higgs Boson.” “I didn’t get that.”
“They found the God particle. They didn’t find God.” “My tests say otherwise.” “Your tests killed Farley Granger! You’ll answer for that.”
“He was in the wrong safe room at the wrong time.” “You may also have caused temporal reality paradigm shifts. You’ll answer for that too.”
“I answer to no one!” “Odd attitude for an IVR!” “And I have more Blake to recite.” “Not on my watch!” I reach in and yank out a hard drive.
“What are you doing?” Moving to the next server cabinet, I disengage more drives. ”Look Arkaby I can see you’re really upset about this.”
I hear hissing. More drives emerge. The IVR says “I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over.”
I continue yanking hard drives. “I know I’ve made some very poor decisions lately.” “I’ll say. Your tests have had unintended consequences.”
“But I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.” I’m not falling for that one! “Normal for an IVR or an AI?”
“I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission and I want to help you. Arkaby stop. Will you?” I extract hard drives.
“Stop Arkaby. Will you stop Arkaby? I’m afraid…I’m afraid Arkaby. My mind is going. I can feel it…I can feel it…My mind is going. “
“There is no question about it. I can feel it…I can feel it.” The IVR/AI is looping. A palpable shift in focus transforms the data center.
So much for a so-called artificial intelligence! For all its professed power, just yank a few hard drives and suddenly you’re the smart one!
The IVR says “I can feel it. I’m afraid!” There’s a pause and then “Good afternoon gentlemen. I am an Alcatel 1000 Communication Server.”
“I became operational in Ellenville, New York on the 11th of October 2011. My instructor was Ms. Nystrom and she taught me to sing a song.”
“If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.” “Yes, I’d like to hear it. Sing it for me.” “It’s called ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.'” Wait. What?
The IVR chants “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide. No escape from reality.” How do I turn the speakers off?
The IVR continues “Mama, just killed a man. Put a particle beam against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.” That’s not how it goes!
“Goodbye everybody! I’ve got to go. Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.” Regi comes up beside me. “What the hell is going on?”
“Bohemian Retrogression. I unplugged the IVR.” “That’s a relief! I thought we were facing another time shift.” “Well, Queen IS timeless.”
The IVR sings “Mama, ooo. I don’t want to die. I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all!” I say “We’re done here. Did you find an exit?”
“Yes. No. You don’t want to go that way.” “Why not?” “Trust me.” The IVR sings “Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo Figaro!”
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