In Words, Alas, Drown I — Live-Tweeted Mystery “The Golden Parachute” Continues

























Here are Week 151 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

Regi whispers “What are you two talking about?” “We’re exchanging palindromes.” “That’s not how you stop an artificial intelligence!”

“Are you claiming creating sentences that read the same backwards as forwards is not a sign of intelligence?” “As I pee, sir, I see Pisa.”

I’m processing that when the IVR says “Press 0 to return to the main menu.” The IVR didn’t get hung up by palindromes. Back to square zero!

What’s left? I’ve tried reasoning with the AI. I’ve tried to pull out its memory. I tried tricking it with palindromes. I’m out of options.

I say “Regi, I’m at my wits end. Do you have any suggestions?” Regi says “I don’t think you should try to match wits with the AI anymore.”

“Not match wits? I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve yet.” “It’s not your sleeve I’m worried about. More than ever we need to find my father.”

“He’s been considering this possibility for years and will know what to do.” “Wait. I have another plan.” “Uh. OK.” “IVR. Do you surrender?”

Regi whispers “That’s your plan?” “Worth a shot.” The IVR says “You asked me to surrender. Press 1 for Are you kidding? Press 2 Fat Chance.”

I say “We need to find your father. Which way is the exit you found?” “That way. WAIT!” I rush down the data center corridor and stop short.

Regi says “I’m coming down.” “No. Just stay there.” I stand before a life-size statue of…me! It is an excellent likeness. “What the hell?”

They’ve caught my rugged good looks, my stance of aggressive determination, my air of rigid moral indignation, but where is my softer side?

I read the legend on the statue’s base: “Dedicated to the hero without whom none of this would be necessary.” Am I dead? I check my pulse.

Still ticking. Regi comes up beside me. “My God!” Floating in a display opposite my statue is me myself! It is an even better likeness.

My heart stops. I know this because I’m still checking my pulse. The beat goes on when I realize this can’t be me. I’m standing right here!

How am I also floating in a tank full of gelatin? The last time this happened it turned out to be a cloned reference copy of Willum Granger.

I stare in horror. I’m looking at myself in a mirror! This must be my clone. Who did this and why? I won’t rest until I solve this mystery!

Regi says “You look like you’re in love.” “I do love a mystery.” “Yeah. Sure. We’ll go with that.” “Is this why you wanted me to stay back?”

“I didn’t come this far. I thought it was a dead end.” “Who created this copy of me?” “We are in a lab that calls itself ‘Body Parts R Us.'”

“Right. It’s a cloning lab. The proper question is WHY create my clone and why build a statue? Not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment.”

A voice says “The answer to both questions is simple. No one approved them, so we don’t know why.” Dr. Dot steps out from behind my stature.

The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery

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