“Your IVR is an artificial intelligence.” “An AI? That’s ridiculous! What makes you think that?” “We’ve just had a long talk with your IVR.”
Dot frowns “You know that’s what an IVR does, don’t you?” “Not like this one. It got smart with me.” “Getting smart doesn’t make it an AI.”
“IVR stands for Interactive Voice Response. It’s programmed to respond to your voice, emphasis on ‘programmed.’ That’s what an IVR does.”
“I proved it! I fed your IVR a Turing Test! It chewed it up and spit it back at me.” “That proves it’s programmed smarter than you are.”
“It turned your campus into a super collider and vaporized Farley Granger!” A voice says “That’s BS!” Rixey steps out from behind my statue.
“Lieutenant Rixey! What brings you here?” “I’m keeping tabs on my #1 murder suspect.” “On me? I have some news for you. The AI did it.”
Dot says “There is no AI!” Rixey says “This AI defense won’t get you off the hook! You killed Farley Granger and you’re going over for it!”
Regi says “Over where?” Rixey points at my doppelgänger. “What the hell is that?” “I have no clue.” “Put some clothes on it, will you?”
Clothes? I realize that my replica is completely naked. Positioning myself between the clone and the others, I say “Dot, explain yourself.”
“This wasn’t my idea and I certainly didn’t leave it like this.” Regi says “Don’t you get it? This is the work of the AI! It did all this!”
Dot says “There is no AI!” Regi continues “It 3D printed this statue of Arkaby and then took his DNA out of storage and built this clone.”
I say “How did the AI get my DNA?” Dot says “It’s SOP to sample DNA from our patients, but that didn’t happen because THE IVR IS NOT AN AI!”
Rixey says “This is Arkaby? It looks like Walt Disney.” Dot says “More like Colin Farrell.” Regi says “I would have said George Lazenby.”
I say “It’s me! Look!” I go next to the statue and assume the same pose. Rixey says “Uh huh. Now take off your clothes and get in the tank.”
“You fired me. I no longer have to answer to you.” “You’ll be in a tank soon enough.” Regi says “Wow! You really do hate Arkaby don’t you?”
Dot says “Let’s pretend these are you. Why would an AI do this?” Dash steps out from behind my statue. “Simple as pie. There is no AI.”
I say “Is there a door behind my statue? Is anyone else back there?” Dash says “As you can see, it’s just little me.” “Rhyming again are we?”
Damn! Dash has a passive/aggressive habit of rhyming what other people say. He know it rubs Dot the wrong way and uses it to force Dot out.
I don’t know about him, but one more iamb and I’m leaving. Regi says “Dot! Dash! We’ve got to find my father! His life is in danger!”
They look confused, but Rixey speaks for all of them. “Willum Granger? He’s dead and buried.” Finally something I’m sure of. “No. Neither.”
Rixey says “We discovered his severed body!” Dot says “We confirmed his identity!” Dash says “What you say is an obscenity!” Dot frowns.
The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery