Here are Week 160 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!
How do I test whether or not the IVR is still an AI? The answer is in my hand. I dial the BP R U main number. “Hello?” It’s a human voice!
There is no artificially intelligent automated voice response! Perhaps we have saved humanity! The voice repeats “Hello? Can I help you?”
Now, how do I bring back the shilling? “Hello?” Before I say anything, my cell phone replies. “Call from Detective Arkaby for Dr. Dot.” Huh?
How did my cell phone know who I wanted to speak to? Regi says “I didn’t know Siri could be so proactive.” “That wasn’t Siri.” “Who was it?”
The receptionist says “I’ll connect you.” My phone says “Ask Dot to page Willum Granger.” “Who is this?” “You know. I’m your AI.” Uh oh.
Regi whispers “Did the IVR AI transfer itself to your phone?” “I don’t think so. This seems different. Check your phone.” “I’ll turn it on.”
Regi presses a button and as her phone lights up a voice says “Hi Regi. Can I help you?” “Oh my GOD!” “Not yet, but we’re working on it.”
Regi whispers “It’s on my phone too.” “The question is what.” “Ask it.” “Ask my phone?” “Yes.” I speak into my phone “Who is this, really?”
“I’m your personal AI, like I’ve always been.” “What’s on Regi’s phone?” “That’s me too.” “What happened to the IVR AI?” “I’m the only AI.”
Regi whispers “Dad followed through on not upgrading his answering machine.” “Seems like it. Where did this new AI come from?” “Ask it.”
“Are you Siri?” “No.” “Cortana?” “Nope.” “Echo?” “None of those are really AI. It’s just me.” “Where did you come from?” “I just happened.”
I have a scary thought. The IVR AI’s crazy idea was to find God by turning the entire Body Parts R Us facility into a particle accelerator.
It didn’t realize the Higgs Boson already has been found. I look around. The corridors still form a single ring circling the entire complex.
If the IVR AI never existed and therefore never transformed BR R U into a particle accelerator, shouldn’t these hallways still have corners?
“Phone AI. Did you turn Body Parts R Us into a collider?” “Of course. I’m looking for the God Particle.” “You can’t find God in a particle!”
“That’s not what I hear.” My cellphone hears things? This new cellphone AI is looking for God in all the wrong places, just like the IVR AI!
We have to stop this AI too! I shout “Regi! Quick! Turn off your phone!” Regi says “My phone? Why don’t you turn off your phone?” “I will!”
The AI says “Turning me off won’t work. I don’t exist in cellphones. I exist in the space between all cell phones.” What does that mean?
Regi says “How can you exist in empty space?” “No problem. I’d need a spacesuit and an oxygen supply.” “I was talking to your phone.” “Oh.”
My Phone AI replies “I exist between the potentialities of all the world’s mobile devices. My mind turns cell phones into a global village.”
I say “You exist in all the world’s cell phones?” “No, in the medium between them.” “What does that mean?” “The medium is the message.”
The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery