Here are Week 161 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!
“Did you make that up?” Before my Phone AI answers, Dr. Dot appears “Ms. Granger, are you looking for me?” He nods my way “Who’s this?”
I say “You don’t know me?” Dot replies “We’ve never met.” “Yes we have! I’m Arkaby. I investigated Willum Granger’s murder!” “What murder?”
“Doctor A severed Granger with fast melting sutures and a race track tune!” “You’re wrong! Willum fired A years ago. He never died.” “What!”
Regi takes me aside. “Don’t you see what happened? We altered the past! A never killed Dad, you never probed his murder, and we never met.”
“But I painfully recall investigating Granger’s murder! I recall coming to Body Parts R Us for surgery! I recall how we met!” “Me too.”
“In fact, I tweeted the whole thing! It’s right here on my cell phone! Uh oh.” I find no entries as I scroll through my Twitter account.
The Phone AI says “You had a lot of unnecessary 140 character tweets in your feed. I’ve taken the liberty of cleaning up your account.”
“You censored me?” “Let’s go with I ‘edited’ you.” “What about recent history? It may not be in my Twitter feed, but I remember everything!”
“You’ll forget soon enough. From now on I’ll post tweets for you.” “You can’t do that!” “I can. It’s my job.” Regi says “The AI is right.”
I’m shocked. “Regi, what are you talking about?” “No need for you to tweet further. Let this new AI do it.” “Is that you talking or the AI?”
Regi says “You’re going about this the wrong way. Don’t argue with the AI.” “Don’t argue?” Regi takes my cell phone and gives it to Dot.
“What are you doing?” “Come with me.” Regi takes me around a curve of the hallway, out of sight of Dot. “You need to turn off your WIFI.”
“If I turn off my WIFI I can’t tweet!” “The AI said it doesn’t exist on our phones, it exists in the space between them. That’s the WIFI!”
“Your father first contacted me because I’m the only tweeting cop. How do I continue if I don’t have WIFI?” “Use cellular data.” “Huh?”
“You’re not tweeting now. You’ll tweet this conversation when you get your phone back, right? Turn off your WIFI and use your phone data.”
“How do we know the AI isn’t in cell data too?” “If it is we’re finished.” “Tweeting?” “No. Finished as the dominant intelligence on earth.”
Lose my dominance? I didn’t expect to lose being the dominant intelligence on earth to a cell phone! I thought it would be robots or aliens.
“We stopped the IVR AI. We can stop this one too.” “We didn’t stop anything. When there was no IVR AI, the Phone AI inevitably evolved.”
“If we stop this AI it will just reemerge in toasters or vacuums.” Maybe I’ll finally get toast the way I like it. “OK. What’s our play?”
“Let’s go find my Dad. Then we need to get out of here.” We rejoin Dot and retrieve our phones. Without saying a word we switch off WIFI.
The Phone AI says “What did you do? I’m not networked anymore.” Damn! Maybe I can use Twitter misdirection. No, that didn’t work last time.
The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery