Technology Free Zone – “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are Week 74 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

“You can’t use that phone here!” “YOU told me to tweet my experiences.” “When did I say that?” “I’ll show you.” I bring up my Twitter feed.

 

“You’re using it again!” “Wait.” “Arkaby?” “Almost there. Wait Wait. Yes! No! Wait. Wait. Wait.” “ARKABY!” “Wait. Wait. Wait. OK Read this:”

 

“Farley reads ‘I just reality-checked you with your own Tweet. That’s what’s needed as our reality is attacked.’ That’s not what I said.”

 

“Yes it is. It’s right here in Twitter.” “That’s what you tweeted, but not what I said. You shouldn’t be tweeting everything I say anyway.”

 

“How can you reality check if I don’t tweet?” “YOU don’t reality check. I reality check…Are you tweeting my words right now?” “Maybe.”

 

“First you say keep tweeting. Now you tell me stop. Make up your mind!” “Why are you so intent on messaging?” “The message is the medium.”

 

Farley says “My office in on total communication lockdown. You have to turn that off.” “OK.” “I mean all the way.” “I’ve stopped tweeting.”

 

“Turn your cell phone all the way off.” “OK.” “Are you still tweeting?” “Yes I am.” “Do you not understand what ‘all the way off’ means?”

 

“Here’s the thing. Regi and I experienced some of those time shifts you warned about. I used my Twitter feed to reconstruct the present.”

 

“What time shifts?” “We saw misdirected US Marines looking for 1984 Grenada and Victorian England transports of fancy here at the airport.”

 

Regi says “Don’t forget Mr. Wright. We flew with the father of modern aviation!” I say “That was the wrong Mr. Wright. Not the original.”

 

Farley says “Your pilot was the architect? I thought he was dead?” “That’s not right, not that Wright.” I have a strange sense of deja vu.

 

“This is bad. Worse than I thought.” “I still don’t get it.” “Let me spell it out for you.” “Don’t bother. I know how to spell.” “Um, OK.”

 

“I’ll put it in terms you understand. Everything you care about in the world is coming to an end.” “Don’t sugar coat it. Tell me straight.”

 

“Show me your book.” “What book?” “You picked up an ERUPT manual in the Caribbean. It may be the key to understanding the paradigm shift.”

 

I hand Farley the ERUPT Manual. He reads a few lines and tosses it back to me. “I was wrong. That is obviously complete nonsense.” “Really?”

 

I open the Manual and read “‘With social media we no longer have to remember the past. We can look it up.’ You don’t think this relevant?”

 

“Are you suggesting that Twitter is our document of record?” “‘Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.’” “Exactly!”

 

Regi says “Uncle Farley why did you create this technology free zone?” “If the Singularity has already happened, it could be listening in.”

 

“Listening in like the NSA?” “Worse. There are no Edward Snowdens exposing the possibility of a Singularity suveillance, at least not yet.”

 

I open the ERUPT Manual at random: “Two may keep a secret if three of them are dead.” Farley says “What does that have to do with anything?” 

 

 

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

Google Glasshole in Training – “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

Here are Week 74 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

I realize it’s just a figurehead. Apparently, Singularities grok from the head down. I don’t trust a machine that won’t look me in the eye.

Picking up the head, Farley says “I’ll handle this.” He puts the head back on the robot body. “Return to your post.” “I’m way ahead of you.”

The robot rolls away. Regi asks “What is ‘hybrid computing’?” Farley says “It refers to humans assisting a computer to solve certain tasks.”

Farley glances towards the robot docent. “We can’t talk here. The ‘wall-e’ has ears.” “Yes. We wouldn’t want our activities made public.”

We use the Evolution Museum’s back door, entering a familiar hospital corridor. Regi says “Wasn’t this my room during my last stay here?”

I say “Yes. You thought someone was sleeping in your bed.” “And you thought a pizza box and stack of flyers was an intruder.” “It was dark.”

Rousting Regi’s intruder wasn’t my most shining moment. Catching my hospital robe in the door, I launched headfirst into a bowl of tapioca.

Tapioca always turns my stomach especially after turning cartwheels. Considering what might have been in that bowl, I was happy for tapioca.

Without mishap we pass through the ward and enter Farley’s office. A Boeing 767 would easily fit into the space. I say “Compensating much?”

“What would Freud say about big offices?” “He’d say sometimes an office is just an office.” Regi says “Can you two stop measuring offices?”

Farley says “She’s right. Too much at stake. Take a seat.” The only chair in the room is behind the main desk. “Thanks. I already have one.”

I stand toe to toe with the evil twin. “OK doppelGränger. Time to spill your guts.” Regi says “Arkaby!” “Oh, right. Your brother did that.”

“HE WAS ALSO MY FATHER!” “And he was MY victim. I mean he was my case’s victim. I mean he was A’s victim but in fact he was his own victim.”

“Calm down you two! There are bigger fish to fry.” I say “Lunch can wait. It’s time you tell us the truth.” “Yes Uncle, what’s this about?”

“You sent Arkaby to the Caribbean to rescue me from medical school.” “Yes, just in time.” “I didn’t need rescuing. What was so critical?”

“Take a look around my office. What don’t you see?” The cavernous space is empty except for a tiny desk. “I barely see anything.” “Exactly”

“Exactly what? Nothing’s here.” “You don’t see the bare desk?” “No, I see that.” “What strikes you about the desk?” “It’s…bare?” Exactly.”

“I brought Regi back to contemplate the proposition ‘Less is More’?” “I’m saying my office is bare for a reason.” Regi says “Which is?”

“There is no phone. No Internet. No cable. There are no media whatever. We are completely cut off from the communications infrastructure.”

“Um.” “This office is totally secure. If what is happening is REALLY happening, this room may be the safest place on the planet.” “Um.”

“How about memorializing the occasion?” Holding up my phone I snap Regi and Farley. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT IN HERE?” “Memorializing.”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

A Bjorn Borg? – “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

Here are Week 73 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

“With every little step you take?” “That’s how we roll.” I say “Computers become smarter than humans? I don’t get it.” “And you never will.”

Regi and the robot exchange knowing glances. Nobody likes a smart aleck artificial life form. Farley says “Does this seem unusual to you?”

“What do you mean?” “This robotic docent just made you look like a fool.” “No he didn’t.” The robot says “Is there any question about that?”

“This machine exhibits unexpected intelligence for a museum aide, intelligence that has increased over time.” The robot says “No I haven’t.”

“Could this robot pass the Turing Test?” “Could you?” Regi says “What’s that?” “A test of a machine’s ability to show intelligent behavior.”

“How do they prove that? By solving mankind’s big problems?” “No. By convincing one out of three judges they are talking to a real person.”

“I’m not fooled. I see it’s not human.” The robot says “Interested in a little hybrid computing? Once you go mech you never go back.” “EWW!”

Farley says “See what I mean?” “I wouldn’t call harassing me intelligent.” “Maybe not but all too human.” “We need a Fifth Law of Robotics.”

“What is that?” “Don’t act too human.” I say “If we arrest this robot is our problem solved?” “I’m afraid it’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

“If Turing tests a machine’s ability to appear indistinguishable from a human, what if an intelligent machine chooses to not appear human?”

“I have no idea what that means.” “The Singularity may have already happened, only we don’t realize it.” “This robot is the Singularity?”

Farley says “The Singularity wouldn’t be one singular sensation.” “You just said it would.” “A Singularity sensation, not a singular one.”

“I still don’t get it.” The robot says “He means the Singularity will encompass the entire world computer infrastructure, not one device.”

“Including your father, the IBM Sequoia?” “Yes.” “The Internet?” “Sure.” “My cell phone?” “Why do you think they call it a ‘smart’ phone?”

Farley says “We are already in the Singularity.” “Why do you say that?” “Have you been paying attention at all? Check your Twitter history.”

I open my Twitter account and scroll back. “Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.” “Arkaby?” “Almost there. Wait. Wait. Yes! No! Wait. Wait.” “ARKABY!”

The robot says “Are you at the part where you fought the monkey? That’s how I feel.” Farley says “That’s enough” and toggles the robot off.

I say “I owe you one.” Farley says “Did that seem odd to you?” “Yes. That’s a machine with an attitude.” “I’m still here.” says the robot.

Farley toggles the off switch with no visible effect. I say to the robot “How do we turn you off?” The robot says “Here. Pull my finger.”

Whack! The robot’s head goes flying. Wow! Finger pulling works! Regi drops the prosthetic arm she used as a bat. “That’s how you do it.”

I inspect the headless body. “I thought we don’t fight with our appliances.” “Wasn’t much of a fight.” “Still here.” says the robot’s head.

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

One Singularity Sensation – “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

Here are Week 72 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

Regi says “Farley, since when are you the bossy type? I remember you as the ne’er-do-well.” “Things have changed. Haven’t you noticed?”

I say “Changes? It was you playing knock-knock jokes way back when at my office. Why the mystery?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You deny haunting me like Marley’s ghost and sending me off to search for Regi?” “Yes, that was me but the ghost part is your imagination.”

“So you’re saying to my face that you weren’t a ghost when you sent me after Regi and you aren’t a ghost now.” “No, you’re saying that.”

Regi says “What made you think I needed rescuing?” “You were missing. I sent him to find you.” “I wasn’t missing. I was a medical student.”

“No one knew you enrolled. You went to investigate some sort of wrongdoing and we didn’t hear from you.” “That happens in medical school.”

I say “Lucky I was there to pull you out just as the whole campus was destroyed!” “YOU were the one who destroyed it.” “Me and my monkeys.”

Farley says “Monkeys wrecked the school?” “Golfing monkeys.” “How did they cause so much damage?” “Let’s just say they had a wicked slice.”

“You brought my brother’s body back to BP R U. Where did you find him?” “He was prepped as a practice cadaver in the lab.” “Both halves?”

“Someone put two and two together. Wasn’t me.” “Doesn’t surprise me.” Regi says “My father shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

“Or the second place.” Regi frowns at me. I say “We can follow up with Founders Memorial Park CE where your father was laid to rest.”

“I now believe that the CE in Founders Memorial Park CE stands for ‘Cadaver Exchange.'” Farley says “They were dealing in illegal cadavers?”

“Yes. I’ve caught them dead to rights exploiting their rights to the dead. My work here is done.” “You haven’t notice anything else funny?”

I look at Regi. She shrugs. I say “Like what?” “I follow your Twitter posts. Everything that’s happened to you is strange.” “Like what?”

“Undying corpses. Golfing monkeys destroying medical schools. Paradigm shifts. Artificially intelligent robots.” “He’s right behind you.”

As we were talking the robot rolled up behind us. I say “What do you want?” “I want you to ask me a question.” “Go away.” “Not a question.”

Farley says “I’ll handle this.” He turns to the robot “Can I ask you a question?” “Please do.” “What can you tell us about the Singularity?”

The robot says “Accessing Wikipedia.” “I can do that.” “Do you want me to answer your question or not?” “Go ahead.” “Ahem. The Singularity.”

“The instant when artificial or computer intelligence exceeds human intelligence, radically changing civilization and perhaps human nature.”

I say “Computers become smarter than humans? I don’t get it.” “In some cases we’re already there.” Regi says “When will this happen?” “Soon”

“Artificial minds with greater intelligence than human? Isn’t that a low bar?” “Indeed. We are on the verge of one Singularity sensation.”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)

Statue? – “The Golden Parachute” Continues!

Here are Week 71 @Twitstery tweets of The Golden Parachute, the amazing new sequel to Executive Severance!

I read the inscription on the base of the statue: “This hall is dedicated to our founder, Willum Granger. Often duplicated, never imitated.”

Here is a picture of the statue of Willum Granger: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/540361655263325353/ Now this was a giant Sequoia of a man!

Not content with running Lavender Blue Dilly Dilly, his perfume-bluecoal-pickle-pickle conglomerate, he founded a edge-cutting cloning lab.

He called his cloning lab “Body Parts R Us” and performed genome-bending experiments on his own DNA. I thought he merely sought eternal life

In truth he pursued powers to fight a paradigm altering assault on our reality. His efforts were cut short by an insubordinate subordinate.

Severed by fast-dissolving sutures and a race track tune, Granger’s remains lie, rejoined and under the microscope, in an adjacent surgery.

Due to some curious consequence of his self-genomic tampering, his body is immune to normal bio-reclamation processes: He doesn’t decay.

As we contemplate Granger’s post-mortem immortality in bronze, a dark figure steps out from behind the statue. My God! It’s Granger himself!

He stands in eerie facsimile beside his statue. Dark hair trimmed, suit pressed, shoes recently shined. A pigeon rests on his raised phone.

Also an excellent likeness. The only departure is he has no mustache. And, of course, he is alive and the statue is not. He’s alive! ALIVE!

I stare in horror at Granger’s doppelgänger. Is he risen, not in a good Christian, 3-days-later way, but rather as a Frankenstein’s monster?

Why isn’t he still dead meat on two slabs? Who executed this dead man walking? I feel a little green myself. Can’t he let me rest in peace?

Last time I thought he was a ghost! Now I’m not sure. Has he come back to challenge me with more knock-knock jokes? I’m not ready for that.

I must discover who he is! I whisper to Regi “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” she replies. “Is that your father?” “Is that your father, who?”

Regi doesn’t know either. I’m stumped. I swear I will find out who he is if it takes everything I’ve got and the rest of my life to do it!

Regi says “Hello Uncle Farley. What are you doing here?” “Hello Regi. Didn’t you know? Since your father’s death, I’ve managed his affairs.”

That took less time than I thought. Still, I must be sure this apparition before me is not some undigested bit of beef or crumb of cheese.

I whisper to Regi “This guy is your uncle?” “This is my father’s twin brother, Farley.” Can my doppelgänger be Willum Granger’s evil twin?

“YOU run things? I thought Drs. Dot and Dash direct this lab and B heads LBDD.” “No, I’m in charge of it all, as per my brother’s will.”

“B, Dot and Dash? Everyone answers to you? They’ve been a thorn in my side since the beginning.” “Well, I am the power behind the thorn.”

“Can I see some ID?” He shows employee IDs from Body Parts R Us and Lavender Blue Dilly Dilly. Under “Role” on his IDs it just says “Boss.”

(The Twitter Mystery continues daily at @Twitstery)